Final Dawn
by AphroditesChild54
Summary: Bill has resigned himself to losing Sookie, and deals with it the only way he knows how. This is a one-shot that takes place after Book 8.


**FINAL DAWN**

**I waited until she came out of the house, and silently emerged from my dark hiding place in the woods. I'd seen her inside and knew she would eventually come into the dimly lit garden...**

**Knowing this would probably be the last time I spoke to her, I'd hoped to make it count, perhaps to make retribution for all the pain I'd caused her. Her face was pale, but she was still as beautiful as ever. She glanced momentarily at me, but said nothing, as I took my place in the metal lawn chair next to her...I waited to see if she was comfortable with me being there, then told her that she'd always been the only one I'd truly loved. **

**As expected, she made no response, other than to look wistfully away, but I could see in her deep blue eyes, the immense distance between us. I'd hoped that this last entreaty would finally weaken the barrier that she'd placed there, but my hopes were in vain. **

**This last hope, this last effort, would have to suffice, I couldn't make her love me again, I couldn't make her forgive the things I'd done to protect her or to understand why I'd had to seek her out. She'd never be able to understand that I'd fallen in love with her the first time I'd kissed her, and that my efforts to protect her weren't just from my employers...I wanted her for myself, and not because it was an assignment, but she'd never be able to understand that...**

**I finally realized the implications of what I'd done. It wasn't just about me withholding secrets from her…She'd had to question her entire worth as a woman, her self-esteem had been shattered, and she'd had to face the humiliation that another Vampire had to force me to confess everything to her. To know that someone else knew about all the secrets between us..it must have been devastating to her..**

**So as I walked slowly back to my house on the other side of the cemetery, letting her see that this time, I wouldn't look back, I knew it was final. I'd already decided what I had to do...I knew I couldn't face my existence without hope that she'd ever love me again, all those empty years ahead of me, and for what? To drift from place to place, seeking happiness, when I'd had it in my hands and let it slip away? What a waste of eternity. **

**I reached my front door, and looked back, and as expected, she was not there, even though there was a time when she had run to me, and gave herself to me with such unconditional love and surrender, I thought my undead heart would break asunder. **

**Tonight I will finally close up the old Compton house, and depart, never to return. Eric would undoubtedly make a token attempt to look for me, but he would be occupied with his own search for answers to the mysteries between himself and Sookie. **

**She would probably feel less pressured about Eric without my interference, and less anxiety about our history, if I was not around to remind her. **

**I know her heart was broken, but then so was mine. It's better to move on to a better place than to exist with the misery of never having hope of her love again.**

**Maybe this will finally give me the answers I'm looking for...**

**I don't know how Eric managed to stay sane for 1000 years, just 175 is more than I can bear...man wasn't meant to live this long...**

**The last of the furniture is covered now, and the financial paperwork has been given to the attorney, with my estate left in trust to Sookie, so she no longer has to work so hard to make ends meet. She was always so much better than the people that surrounded her. **

**I step outside of the house, just before dawn, and look toward her home across the cemetery, I can hear the sparrows singing, something I've not heard in many decades, the precursor to the Glorious Dawn, the dawn I haven't seen in so long, and I can smell the earth and the night-blooming Jasmine, and I can see the sparkling dew on the grass... I know it will be painful, but it's nothing compared to this agony of life without love, and without hope. **

**The first blush of light across the horizon makes my skin itch... I yearn for the end, but I'm frightened of what's on the other side. Will my existence as a Vampire change what awaits me? My skin is heating up now, the light is glowing across the sky, and I can see the first rays peek out through the trees...warmer, ever so much warmer...I guess I should have prepared myself a little better, but it's too late to do anything about it now...**

**My skin is burning, like my heart... I can hear it sizzle, a horrible sound, the worst sound our kind can experience..the heat is drying up my bloody tears as they slip from my eyes.**

**I sit on the ground and wait until the first ray of light hits me and I lay down on the cool grass and spread my arms out, making sure the early morning sunlight covers all of me...burning, so hot, so hot, it hurts, but all I can think of is that she'll be free of me now, and I'll be free of being without her...searing light in my eyes now...burning into my brain, my clothes are smoking and my skin is starting to flake off and I'm sorry Sookie, I'm sorry I didn't keep you safer, I'm sorry I hurt you..I'll love you forever....**

**Parts of me are drifting now, the warm air carries me in lazy circles around the oak trees, I'm floating above my house, I can see across the cemetery from here, and she's outside watering the flowers...oh God, she's so beautiful in the dawn light....farewell my beloved...**

**FIN**


End file.
